Dear Hawks,If there’s one thing everyone should know about this university before coming here, it’s that it is ridiculously windy. I’m not sure why this isn’t on the website — I mean, the new students should have fair warning. Although, now that I think about it, that might make them change their minds about coming here, and we certainly don’t want that. So yes, I suppose it’s a highly strategic plan to keep new people from finding out until it’s too late, until they’re suddenly being pushed into the street by a sudden behemoth gust of wind or being dragged around by their umbrellas.That reminds me. Do NOT use umbrellas when it’s raining. Please, take it from me, a knowledgeable statue that has seen poor students struggling to keep their umbrellas from collapsing beneath the onslaught of rain. It’s not a pretty sight. The wind has no mercy, especially not on the first-years with their small, flimsy umbrellas that never stand a chance. I’ve also been attacked by a stray umbrella or two, so if that’s not reason enough to stop using them then you might as well hit me over the head with your silly metal rod (please don’t, I’m very sensitive). You don’t see me using one, do you? I suffer through it. At least you can put a raincoat on.Thank you for listening to my gusty ramble today, folks. Not everything’s a breeze in my life as a statue.
