Dearest fellow scholars,
You’re off the hook from school but not off the hook from looks. Memorable summer adventures are only made when there is a good outfit to wear. Don’t succumb to the heat, we must persevere; this is just a new fashion challenge.
One of the few acceptable places to be seen in your small hometown is your little brother’s baseball game. The bleachers are the ultimate gathering of mommies so let’s make sure you fit in. To be a fabulous cosplay mommy for your brother let’s get a dark wash pair of high waisted jorts. On the top tuck in a white boxy t-shirt or if you’re especially enthusiastic, his little league jersey (who doesn’t love a baby-tee fit?). This outfit also correlates perfectly to the sports outings you’re forced to attend with your boyfriend; to pass the time and feed the man, fill a canvas tote with snacks (we suggest Fruit Roll Ups™). Jort outfits are the perfect opportunity to accessorize with chunky belts and equally as chunky jewelry.
Being home from college means no more excused absences from family gatherings. Another summer, another awkward BBQ with extended family. Your extended family or otherwise, you know that by the time you show up there is no more American Cheese for that disappointing burger. The only way to get over this heartbreak is to wear a slinky skirt that is an appropriate length. These 2000’s skirts hug your hips perfectly and we know they won’t be hugging anything else because there is no cheese to bloat from. On the top wear your most flattering cut tank top and a dangly earring to distract from your frizzy “updo”.
Some people say day to night, we say day to beach. Having that perfect cotton mini dress in a solid color that works as effortlessly with a kitten heel as it does over a bathing suit. We prefer boat neck, and or open back; LA Apparel, Cotton On, and the Thrift Store is where we’ll purchase ours.
Now we are on the beach in August. You’re in the thick of a summer fling that’s holding on by a thread like your American Eagle bikini when you start getting texts after not hearing from him all weekend. You pull out your cell phone but the sun is high and the screen is dark so you can’t make out if those are text bubbles or the clouds reflecting off your screen. A discerned look, a confused stance, it’s a breakup text made even worse because you can’t see your screen. At least you’re solidifying that golden tan for back to school. He originally chose you because you are the best dressed girl on the beach so don’t stop now.
As you sadly lounge in your black one piece bathing suit you can’t help but wonder, are you Lana Del Rey? Now more than ever you can relate to the song Black Bathing Suit. Good thing you took your mother’s shades 3 months ago; that oversized frame is working over time hiding your tears… and protecting you from wrinkles. We can’t dwell forever, his swim trunks were suspiciously short anyway. To reclaim your independence you trot on over to the spray tattoo booth on the boardwalk to get an arrowed heart with your own name on it because you loved yourself first. This ceremonious occasion happening whilst you’re in the sheer dress your father will only allow you to wear as a beach cover up.
And for those of us who aren’t going through heartbreak, we’re going through a bag of chips. Towel pants: these stylish bottoms not only keep you looking cool by the pool, but they also double as a crumb-catching, spill-wiping superhero. Under said towel pants, is the boy-short swim bottoms. The boy-short swim bottoms can be found at Free People online, paired with a string bikini top. We know that statue-esque poses at the beach are out and play time is in; more coverage = more fun. And now it’s dinner time by the beach but no time for a shower, good thing you wore beachy pants (crepe or linen) that look so chic paired with an oversized button down. Wide leg, cropped, or highwaisted, a beach pant is an essential key to covering up and dressing up.
Don’t forget all we have taught you when packing for your summer vacation and that sunscreen is the best accessory. We hope that you collect a multitude of memories and many questionable tan lines. Know that the only thing hotter than the sun is our summer wardrobe and if you’ve learned anything from our column yours will be too. Stay cool all summer long.
We’ll be back and we’ll be watching,
-M.B. & M.T.
