Dearest fellow scholars,
We’ve come to you with the do’s & definitely-don’ts of social etiquette because clearly personability doesn’t come to you as effortlessly as your virtual participation of gambling. We all are no strangers to the anxieties that come along with encountering human life but conquer the awkwardness abyss (it’s quite hilarious once you have arrived). We’ve experimented with ways to break free from the shackles of shyness for you, so ultimately our fellow scholars can turn social anxiety into social adventure!
Do’s and Don’ts for Engaging With Adjacent Academics
Sitting next to a fellow scholar in class is comparable to sharing the womb: scared, cold, ominous, and heartless… literally. Perhaps you shall introduce yourself to whom you inhabit this intimate space with.
Inevitably the time comes when you hear the dreaded words: “partner up”. Try your best not to run as far as possible from the scholar next to you. We’ve asked, and they swear they don’t bite. Do not abandon your fellow gender for some cute guy you know deep down, in your hopeless romantic heart, won’t be doing the work.
SOS Signals: Socially Overwhelmed Students
If you know how to appropriately respond to your proximity partners’ signs of distress you’ll be forever imprinted into their fondest memories; and we all want to be remembered, right? Either you’ve been there or you’ve seen it, that blank stare and sole piece of paper that by the end of class remains untouched. This in itself is a tell tale sign of raging against the machine a bit too hard last night. This institution supports liberation even in the form of partying on a school night. Therefore, let us demonstrate our support for the cause by offering help where it’s warneted and extending our sound minded notes to those students in need. You know you’d want the same.
Was that a wild animal I heard? No, it was just your tummy and that’s OK. If you’ve witnessed this, don’t make them endure their cries of hunger alone.Turn to them and say, “I missed the most important meal of the day too. Don’t fret, you’ll be satiated soon.” Empathy is so important, it’s how we build a better world.
The Act of Personability
Don’t be ashamed of your talents and passions; express them as openly as possible (that makes you so cool). For example, if you’re granted the gift of speed and agility, therefore dominating pole vaulting, try accompanying your next visit to Upper Commons with a pole in hand. Inconveniences aside, you’ll look so passionate (we’ve seen it, it works).
Of course, exchanging hellos is personable but it isn’t always called for. More than anything it is painfully personable to be honest and we’re here to teach you how to be personable to the furthest extent. Here are some examples of when you don’t have to say hello: extreme angst, simple annoyance, unflattering hair day, pettiness, and or *insert hyper specific occurrence here*.
May you go forth socially. When you are inevitably the most popular don’t forget to give credit where credit is due. And if you are socially blessed to spot us, please say hello – unless of course, you fall under any of these circumstances (refer to list above). Remember to never take this too personally (especially you, Track & Field Team). We are striving for world PEACE after all.
We’ll be back and we’ll be watching,
– M.B. & M.T.
