Foreplay: Is it necessary for everyone? Is it purely physical? This week, we’re debunking myths about the “before” parts of sex.  

The first myth people often think of is that foreplay has to happen right before sex. The word itself starts with “fore,” but the emphasis shouldn’t be on the first part of the word — it should be on the second: “play.”

Kimberly L. Jackson, an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist based in Providence who specializes in decoding desire, relationship counseling, out-of-control sexual behaviors, and intimacy concerns, shared that foreplay can happen at any time of the day.

“Especially in a long-term relationship, foreplay can start at 9 a.m.,” Jackson said.

Going along with this, foreplay doesn’t always have to only consist of physically touching each other. Jackson noted that you could be at work – or in our case, school – all day, but going back and forth and making inside jokes and sending some eggplant emojis here and there can be exciting as well. Teasing in public, whispering something dirty in his/her ear, or sending a racy text can go a long way.

There are no time restrictions/requirements for foreplay either. Many people tend to think that girls need long foreplay, but that’s not necessarily true.  

“For some people, having a gradual build-up will feel exciting and necessary, but for other people, a quickie could be just as thrilling and satisfying,” Jackson said.

A 22-year-old student at RWU shared that, for her personally, foreplay is an extremely important part of sex.

“I’m not one to prefer for some girl to just ‘stick it in there’ (with a toy, of course),” the student said. “I’d much rather take the time to get aroused.”

It’s normal to think that the genitals are the only parts of the body that you should touch before sex, but there are other very sensitive areas of the body that can help arouse your partner.

“Personally, I love it when she teases the nerves at the top of my inner thighs and it really helps to set the mood for sex, making the whole experience more enjoyable,” she continued. “Of course, I’m not a pillow princess, so I’ll then reciprocate by touching her in her favorite spot(s).”

Another hot-spot for many girls is the nipple. It’s a very sensitive spot of the body, so kissing/sucking on them feels amazing for a lot of girls (and some guys too).

A 21-year-old male RWU student shared that he enjoys foreplay to an extent, but there are some things that just don’t fit the mood and can be a turn off. “A little foreplay before sex is always nice, as I think the build up can make the actual sex so much better. But too much playing around or teasing can be frustrating.”

A big factor that plays into how enjoyable sex can be is the emotional connection between the two partners.

Jackson has had therapy sessions with clients where they talk about how it is helpful for them to have an emotional connection with the person they are with. 

“For some people, foreplay is a way to nurture that sort of connection,” Jackson said. “Good sex is contingent upon creating a good context.”