My life as a statue

April 13, 2020

Dear Hawks,

The time of turkey is upon us, folks! Or, I suppose if you’re vegetarian, it’s the time of Tofurkey or just mashed potatoes, rolls and vegetables. Whatever you decide to eat at the dinner table this year, I hope it’s absolutely delicious and I hope you come back here feeling 20 pounds heavier. I figured now is a good time to tell you a few of the things I’m thankful for, and maybe give you some inspiration. 

I’m thankful for freedom. I know this is ironic since I’m probably the least free of all of you here — hello, I’m permanently welded onto a rock. But I’m so glad you all have the freedom to do and say what you want. Of course, freedom of religion is something I’ve always advocated for, so I feel like maybe some thanks are in order for that. After all, you do live in my state. Just saying.

I’m also thankful for the students who dress me up for special occasions. I don’t usually get out a lot, so I can’t go shopping. Luckily, other people do it for me! Now I get to flaunt my Thanksgiving apron for all of you to enjoy. Their fashion sense is impeccable.

Finally, I’m thankful for my life. You may be thinking, “How can he be thankful for his cold, meaningless existence, perched on a hill?” To that I say, just because I’m made of bronze does not mean I am always cold. The people I get to interact with every day make my life as a statue significantly more meaningful.