Racy Stacy: Hookup or hooked for good

Racy Stacy, Herald Reporter

Picture this: you’re at a party, you spy someone cute across the room, and decide you want to go home with them that night. You work up the courage to go up to them and start a conversation, and, if everything goes as planned, you go back to their place (or yours) and have a wild one-night stand. The next morning, you put on your clothes you wore out the night before and tip-toe out of the room, perfectly executing the walk-of-shame back to your own home.

This is the typical scene for a lot of college students, and I’m trying to get to the bottom of the whole college hookup scene. Why do we as young people tend to choose hookups instead of being with one person?

I tell my aunt everything. I typically go to her for advice, which sometimes involves boy talk. After telling her about my own experiences and some stories my friends have shared, she has expressed to me how puzzled she is by the whole college hookup scene. She worries about me and often tells me to wait before I give myself to a guy, saying he needs to “earn that sh*t.” Just last week, we were talking about how a lot of kids consistently have sex with one person, but with no commitment. When I told her this was a popular route for us young people, she said “I can’t believe it’s like that for everyone in college. I feel old.”

  

So, why do we do it?

For the answers, I turned to the students of RWU.

In many cases, students felt that freshmen and sophomores in college prefer to hookup rather than be in a relationship because they want to get the “full college experience” and avoid commitment.

Junior Nat Estes said that he used to only want hookups, but has recently changed his views.

 “Freshman and sophomore year I was really just looking to mess around and meet people and just kinda do my own thing,” he said. “I had a lot of fun, but now I’m looking to settle down and look for longer term relationship kinda deal.”

Junior Trey Hogsten agrees with this statement, and thinks that a lot of guys pick the hookup over the relationship because it’s “less commitment” and “you can f*ck around and do your own thing.”

Another big issue with hooking up is the dreaded “what are we” talk.

 

A 21-year-old female student at RWU shared a story she experienced her sophomore year of college. She was “talking” to a guy for about four months and said they were basically in a relationship, but without the title.

“It was everything that a relationship would be except we didn’t say we were boyfriend and girlfriend,” she said.

They didn’t have sex until four months into the “relationship,” at which time she asked him the looming “what are we?” question. He told her that he was in a relationship before and it didn’t end well so he wasn’t ready for another one, but wanted to “see where this goes.” The next couple weekends, they didn’t see each other and he didn’t talk to her a lot, so she asked him why he’d been so quiet. After making a bunch of excuses and blowing her off a couple more times, he bid her farewell via a text that read: “I thought a lot about what we talked about last week and I think it’d be best if we just stayed as friends. I hope you can understand that!”

So, why are guys so afraid of this perfectly logical question?

For Estes, if it’s a hookup situation, he wants to avoid defining the “relationship” because he wants the hookup to continue, and he doesn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. However, he noted that he wouldn’t be afraid to speak up if he saw the hookup turning into something more.

Hogsten agreed with this thought, and says that in situations like these, he doesn’t want to say the wrong thing. Saying “let’s date” or “let’s f*ck” is a hard choice to make, he said.

So ladies and gentlemen, what is the solution to avoid these awkward conversations? How do you avoid getting ghosted? How can you stay away from the Stage Four Clingers?

 

Based on my own experiences and the answers I’ve heard from all of you, the answer is simple: be honest about how you feel.

If you like the person, tell them. If you want something more casual, speak up. Communication is key in any type of relationship. The best thing you can do is tell the other person what’s on your mind. If it doesn’t work out, it wasn’t meant to be, and just know there is something better out there waiting for you.

Thanks for reading! Be sure to check back next week for my last column of the semester!